Wisdom of Length

I'm just learning the distinction between Big Hair Metal and Seventies Metal. If you have big hair in another decade outside of the seventies, there is a decidedly more clipped sound to your power chords, making it possible to use them even more aggressively.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Some Excuse

Yeah, hello, Mr Employer? I can't make it to work this morning. I have a bad case of blue balls... That's right, blue balls. I'm telling you, they feel like they're hanging all the way down to the floor here. I'm afraid to sit on the toilet... Well, the doctor says I have to spend the whole day jerking off. That should relieve the pressure. I should be fine by tomorrow morning... No, I've got a stack of Asian porno movies here. Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow. Thanks.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Coming True

I was dreaming this morning that I had a stomach ache that prevented me from rising to my feet. Then when I awoke, I realized it wasn't a dream. I have since checked the online symptom checker and it is not blue balls.
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

I'm Sure They Didn't Mean It

Kurt Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut, His memory, I want it not. Slaughterhouse Five is apparently based on the author's memory of being held in Dresden as a POW during World War Two. He and his fellow captives were kept in a slaughterhouse that had been converted over for military use - but that's not as sinister as it sounds. Dresden was the city that got bombed off the face of the earth. Over a hundred thousand deaths. Firestorm. People melting to death in their beds. Little children liquified by the intense heat, the shadows of their cribs leaving an eerie imprint on their nursery walls. Wait a minute. That might be Hiroshima on that last one. After the bombing, the SS, who administered the cleanup of the bodies by captive labourers, strictly enforced the 'no looting' code. I guess it's bad enough when you kill everyone, you shouldn't go and rip them off afterwards. You've got to chuckle when you think of how awkward it was to be an allied POW emerging safely from a bomb shelter in Dresden at that particular moment. You're looking at the Germans eye-to-eye, on the ground, and trying not to look guilty. It's a good thing they needed help with all the corpse burning. One character, after spending the afternoon stacking corpses into a massive pyre, had the lightheartedness to spot a little treasure in the midst of all that death and ruin. Some kind of piano ornament. Then he held it up, smiling, for the SS to see. I didn't feel any remorse when they took him and led him off into the woods and the resounding discharge of a Lugar issued forth. It's also a very colourful account of the life of the lead character who shares the author's Dresden experience. Except that this character became unstuck in time and I'm not sure if that ever happened to Vonnegut.
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Congratulation

I would like to congratulate Shark Week. By being a singular that has gone into an additional week, it has broken through to infinity.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.

Waisted Days

I know I can be rude. I'm working on that. In the meantime, I have a problem. How do you tell a girl that you like her ass? I saw one this morning at the corner store. She had clingy sweat pants, from which her posterior protruded invitingly. By that I mean I felt an urge to take those pants by the waistband and -uh- test their elasticity! But how do you say something like that at the right moment, when it counts? Man, life is hard.
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I'm A - -

Nobody gonna kick my forks - Gonna raise them from the grou-hound! Nobody gonna ride my forks - Gonna shake them up and dow-hown! Ooo, it's a mean machine When it has propane...
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© 2010. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.